


by my own eyes inspired

by Ingardis



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Character Study, Childhood Trauma, Ishgard (Final Fantasy XIV), Ishgard Politics (Final Fantasy XIV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:08:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28428321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ingardis/pseuds/Ingardis
Summary: Laurette Durendaire will never know Halone’s grace or the maternal love She bestows upon Her children.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	by my own eyes inspired

How do you explain to a child that a circumstance of their birth, however unintentional, will condemn them to a life of suffering?

Perhaps the answer is as convoluted and ill-intentioned as the defense of the aggressor -- that the original sin of mankind pales in comparison to that of a cursed child, and all punishment can thus be justified in the name of the Fury, or the Church, or what have you.

Is there a book, or passage, or even a line in the  _ Enchiridion  _ that succinctly and plainly justifies the deprivation of childhood? The assertion that a child too young to read can also be harboring heretical beliefs?

Perhaps not. But who is to stand in defense of a child so thoroughly guarded from the public eye that even a mention of their name is met with a blank stare? 

Laurette Durendaire will never know Halone’s grace or the maternal love She bestows upon Her children. 

\--

At five, when a stocky Elezen child’s head should be swimming with thoughts of warm quiches and Starlight festivities, Laurette’s head swims with pain. It is the second time this month that she is attended by the Durendaire manor’s appointed chirurgeon--already too often, by most accounts.

Though she longs to cry out in pain at the sting of cool grain alcohol running down her mutilated ears, she stays silent. Laurette deserves to be punished for the curse she has brought upon the Durendaire family. It is the only way she can reconcile for her sins, and perhaps at last be raised to the Heavens as a daughter of Halone. She knows these to be truths, and is always a dutiful child.

Laurette Durendaire cannot yet read the scripture that details her innumerable sins, but she atones for them nonetheless.

\--

At fifteen, Laurette Durendaire becomes a woman. Of course, only her handmaiden and the Moon know this. What is womanhood if not a vehicle for continuing one’s lineage? And what is a lineage--a royal and respected one, at that--if it is tainted with draconic blood?

Though she cannot find the passage in the Enchiridion, Laurette soon learns that Halone’s fury extends to frail fifteen-year-old children.

Laurette does not question the foul-tasting draughts she is made to take at breakfast every morning. She does not question the agonizing pain in her stomach, nor does she question her fevers and morning sickness. Her weak muscles and burning pain, Laurette reasons, are part of becoming a woman. 

As she trembles on her hands and knees, begging for death, Laurette is acutely aware that her suffering will yield fruit--her transformation to a woman will complete her.

Under the divine grace of Halone, no longer can life bloom within Laurette Durendaire.

\--

Laurette Durendaire is sixteen when she can no longer deny the reality of her abuse. Perhaps it is sinful to remove one’s self from daily--yet righteous--torture. Laurette has brought a curse upon the Durendaires--it is only right that she faces the appropriate consequences. 

But Laurette has appealed to the graces of Halone for sixteen years, and believes she will find forgiveness if the source of her curse is eradicated.

Laurette, dagger nestled in her left eye socket, is interrupted by her handmaiden (and later, her parents). A hidden child, having drawn attention to themselves, has no place in the Durendaire manor. 

The Durendaire family, ever honorable, follows their faith and casts Laurette out. She is taken into the care of a chirurgeon in Coerthas who vows to make her eyes respectable. 

For the first time, Laurette questions the Halonic faith. For what God, ever righteous, allows Her children to suffer so deeply?

Laurette Durendaire takes extra food at dinner, and packs away what few of her clothes remain.

Laurette Durendaire leaves the infirmary without Halone’s blessing.

\--

No child is equipped for the wrath of the Fury, nor the wrath of the everlasting Coerthan winter. 

Supplies dwindle--hunting is slim, and the cold bites through every layer of Laurette’s clothing. Laurette has suffered every pain imaginable, and yet the unyielding forces of nature prove to be too much to bear.

There is no longer purpose in denying her inadequacy--some challenges were never intended to be surmounted. 

Laurette Durendaire sinks in the snow and accepts her fate. 

In the absence of holy influence, Laurette--for the first time--is offered earthly kindness. She joins a band of Gridanian traders and travels to an entirely new world.

Laurette Durendaire escapes.

\--

Laurette Durendaire is nineteen when she allows her hair to grow past its closely-shorn length. 

For the first time, her wardrobe contains more than muted yellows and browns. 

Laurette’s scarred blind eye and bright yellow eye are no longer sources of shame, but a testament to the pain she has endured.

Laurette changes her name to finally rid herself of the hold of House Durendaire.

Halone, goddess of war and righteous mother of Ishgard, has brought more pain to Laurette Durendaire than any of Her other children.

Laurette Aveline is not her mother’s daughter.


End file.
